extreme

by livergirl


I’m an extremist. In the sense that if I don’t like something, I hate it. And I just can’t help it somehow. Even when I’m somewhere in between, I always find some parts that I like and some parts that I hate. It’s either this or the opposite. And I always pick clear side. If I can’t decide, I’ll create another side.

E.g: are all our acts predestined? or do we have freedom over what we do? Well, I’m on my own side: I don’t care. So what if we don’t have our freedom. He is far too wise beyond our conciousness. I may not have my freedom, but it’s the best thing ever because I know who controlled me.

I don’t know why or when I started to notice these things about me. But yeah, I think it makes sense. It’s just matched with me. Neutral is boring. If I need to be neutral, I’d prefer silence. A neutral opinion is like, well, no opinion at all.

The very downside of this is that I slipped so often in understanding God’s interference in my life. The very basic principle is that we work and at the same time we pray for God to bless what we’ve done. Many times I ‘categorize’ things. Things that I could do myself, and things that is beyond my ability so I can only pray. But yes, it doesn’t work that way.

Php 4:13  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
I misunderstood this verse a lot. One time I understand and applied it, then I got lost again.

In fear of failing, sometimes I avoid hoping. Stupid, yes. Because when you don’t hope for something, it certainly won’t happen. But sometimes I wish to do that because then I know what’s certain.

Silly me. Yes I am.