to go back

by livergirl


Salah satu hal yang cukup menggelitik gue selama liburan kemaren adalah reaksi nyokap gue begitu gue bilang gue bakal balik Indo. Yah well, in short, dia kaget banget.

Ya wajar sih. Sekarang aja gue udah pengen banget keluar dari Singapura dan pergi lebih jauh ke utara. Tapi percaya apa nggak, yes I want to go back. Someday. Rasanya ada sesuatu yang keeps telling me that I need to do that. Gue harus balik and contribute something…whatever it is. Gimana mungkin gue akan serve Singapura 3 tahun dan ga contribute ke Indo sama sekali? It doesn’t make sense for me.

Tapi yang bener-bener cukup mengganggu gue…ya reaksi nyokap gue itu. Seakan-akan dia nggak percaya gue punya rasa cinta negara…haha. Ironis ya? My own mother thinks that I don’t care about my country.

She always wanted me to go abroad and make my life there. (Bahkan dia kayaknya ga keberatan kalo gue ganti citizen deh). Yang to be honest menurut gue bukan purely salah dia juga. Deep down mungkin dia kecewa dengan Indonesia. Dia harus ganti nama dan mengingkari identitas sebagai orang keturunan Cina (my great grandfather was from mainland China). Dan setelah itupun dia tetap diperlakukan seperti bukan orang Indonesia. Padahal ya ampun, my family is not chinese at all in the way we live. Well some of us are traders and we eat chinese food all the time (who doesn’t? they’re yummy!), tapi kita bahkan nggak pernah ngerayain Chinese New Year. Most of us are either Christian or Catholic. Dan kita nggak bisa bahasa Cina (ataupun semua dialeknya). Dan kita nggak diencourage untuk belajar for the sake of heritage (kita disuruh for the sake of globalisation).

Belum lagi peristiwa 1998. I was very young at that time and thank God kita tinggal di kawasan yang, so called, cukup ‘pribumi’ dan kita nggak directly diserang atau apalah. But I think she was quite affected.

I don’t blame her at all. If I were her maybe I’d be living outside the country by now and change my nationality (I’m always far more extreme than her). I just hope that she will understand my idealistic plan. And I hope that years later I will still hold that plan and fulfil it someday. I might not be that brilliant or win tons of medals but I’m sure I can do something.