Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the melwood category.
19-26
This past seven days has been a very tough week for me. Physically, mentally, spiritually, almost everything. That’s why I think I have to write something.
This story began in November 19th, 2009.
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Kamis. Hari ini exam 3003. Subjek paling mati dari 3 subjek legendaris EEE 2nd & 3rd year. Singkatnya, subjek ini susaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh banget. Buat gue dan (rasanya sih) sebagian besar populasi EEE NTU.
Gue mulai belajar super intensif untuk pelajaran ini dari hari Senin. Dan by Rabu malem, rasanya udah capekk banget. Capek belajar dan tetep nggak tau mau ngapain ketika disodorin soalnya. Capek memaksa diri sendiri belajar dan belajar lagi, tapi tetep nggak ngerti.
Gue sempet down malem itu. Bersyukur pacar bisa dateng. Bersyukur kalo dia juga tau rasanya menghadapi 3003.
Kamis jam 11 gue keluar dari Nanyang Audi. Lemes, nggak banyak ngomong, langsung beli junkfood dan pulang.
Those two hours in the exam hall were awful, but I’m thankful He let the rain poured down in the afternoon. Cooled the day and made me sleep comfortably.
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The next week, started at November 23rd was tougher, in every sense.
My exams were at 23rd-26th. Monday to Thursday. Senen-kamis. Tanpa jeda. Semuanya core subjects.
23 : EE3011 ~ control
24: EE4040 ~ engineers & society
25: EE3001 ~ electromagnetics
26: EE3015 ~ power systems
Gue baru mulai belajar lagi hari Jumat tanggal 20. Cuma 3 hari sebelum mulai rangkaian 4 exam. Plan gue tadinya mau belajar engsoc + 3015 hari jumat & sabtu. Hari Minggu mau dipake buat finalize yang buat hari Senen.
Tapi emang manusia cuma boleh berencana. Hari minggu siang abis pulang gereja, suddenly gue sakit. Period gitu, plus masuk angin dan malemnya diare. Ngaco banget deh. Nggak sempet ngerjain satupun pyp (past year paper). Dan berjam-jam gue cuma meringkuk kesakitan, nggak bisa ngapa2in.
Dalam doa gue malem itu, gue inget gue minta disembuhkan. Mungkin nggak malem itu, tapi gue berdoa supaya besok paginya saat exam gue bisa ngerjain tanpa kesakitan.
Well, doa gue nggak dikabulkan, apparently. Pagi-paginya gue masih sakit-sakit gitu, begitu juga saat menjelang masuk exam hall, dan saat lagi ngerjain soal. Tapi bersyukur, gue bener-bener bisa nerima itu semua.
At the end pas keluar exam hall, it was not so bad. Gue masih bisa ngerjain sebagian besar.
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Besoknya engsoc. Basically ini kayak PPKn jaman dulu deh. Ngarang all the way. I spent waktu yang tersisa buat baca rangkuman. Pas exam berhasil ngarang 11 halaman (nggak penuh sih) tapi yaudahlah.
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Besoknya lagi 3001. Disini pas gue drop lagi. Capek. Rasanya exam ga abis-abis. And I got less than 15 hours to review and practice for this subject. Otak rasanya nggak mampu diperes keluar terus diisi lagi secepet itu.
Tapi lagi-lagi I felt thankful. Kali ini nggak ada pacar, tapi andy rasanya selalu berderin setiap beberapa waktu. Ada aja sms encouragement dari temen-temen. Dari yang massal sampe yang personal. Gue bukan orang yang akan ngebales semuanya, tapi I thank you all who sent me those 
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My tears were broken, yet again, that night. I was down, but He lifted me up through my friends.
Exam ini nggak terlalu bisa sih. Tapi setelah ngelewatin 3003, rasanya selalu ada yang positif dari setiap exam. “At least yang ini better dari 3003.”
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Terakhir, hari ini, 3015. Exhaustion-nya masih kebawa-bawa sih, tapi uda bisa lebih bener belajarnya, meskipun pesimis juga. Nggak terlalu yakin dengan apa yang udah gue tulis, tapi gue rasa gue udah menulis (dan mengira-ngira) yang terbaik yang gue bisa.
Let Him decide what will I get.
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Seminggu ini bener-bener jadi ujian buat gue. Baru pernah gue 4 hari core berturut-turut. Capek, of course, tapi ya ada enaknya juga begitu semua udah kelar 
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Belajar untuk bener-bener pasrah sama Tuhan tanpa bertanya-tanya, bahkan ketika doa yang cukup critical nggak dikabulkan. Belajar untuk nerima bahwa memang kehendak Tuhan kalo gue cuma punya waktu setengah hari untuk finalize belajar subjek yang gue niat banget sem ini tapi Dia malah ngasih gue kesakitan buat mengisi waktu itu. Belajar untuk persistent. Belajar untuk self-rapid-recover after an exam breakdown.
Hopefully this is the first and last experience regarding 4-days-core-exams, but I certainly hope the lessons will continue
Iseng-iseng barusan nyasar ke blognya septian gede, dan nemu post tentang lagu “Gereja Bagai Bahtera” trus dia mention tentang judul aslinya “Ein Schiff, das sich Gemeinde nennt” dan ada linknya. Dasar emang jerman freak, ya gue terusin aja ke yutup gitu. Trus ada liriknya, dan gue tertarik di bagian ini (reff):
Bleibe bei uns Herr, bleibe bei uns Herr,
Denn sonst sind wir allein auf der Fahrt durch das Meer, O bleibe bei uns, Herr!
Di indo diterjemahkan jadi:
Tuhan tolonglah, Tuhan tolonglah.
Tanpa Dikau semua binasa kelak, oh Tuhan tolonglah.
Dan menyadari kalo conjugated verb yang dipake tuh ‘bleibe’ instead of ‘bleiben’ (PS: bleiben != tolong. Jangan di translate directly). That means kita refer ke Tuhan sebagai ‘du’ (=kamu) instead of ‘Sie’ (=Anda). Buat gue, ini menunjukkan hubungan yang dekat. Antara kita dan Dia.
Kemaren di doa pengantar firman PU Gabungan 3, bang Julius (sori kalo salah nulis) juga bilang “terimakasih kalau kami boleh memanggilmu, penguasa alam semesta, Bapa.”
It was wonderful. The feeling that I know He’s always close. That the Mighty God Himself loves me as a Father.
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two teachers
There are two teachers I admire and respect so much in my 6 years of education before uni. One of them is shorter and balder, where the other one is taller with moustache. Both of them happened to teach physics, and they taught something which is not written in the textbook: honesty.
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I remember some of his stories which at the end, he would warn us the importance of being honest. He has the sharpest eyes. I never dare to intentionally cheat in his quizzes. It was kinda shocking when I think about it, cos in primary school I even cheat with my friends during final exam -.-”.
He was also the one who always say: ‘physics is beautiful’. Imagine saying it to 12-year-old girls at their very first physics class. It was confusing, cos who on earth will say those awful formulas ‘beautiful’? He also always tried to relate everything he taught to human’s daily life. And slowly, I began to understand why is it beautiful. I had the most neat notes in the class for his subject, I guess, and it continues until now.
Those three years were the most rebel times in my life. You know puberty and all stuffs, but I managed to did well and did not get into any serious trouble. I remember one of my friends did not make it (she got expelled from the school because of cheating). And I do thankful to have someone warned me at the first place.
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He always appeared ‘happy-go-lucky’ and very relaxed. He smoked heavily.
He has this ‘policy’ which I’ll never forget.
Everybody knows that high school is hard. In my school it might not be that hard socially, but it is sure hard academically. Especially at quizzes and exams (though it much better than now). Every several weeks, there will be a quiz. The teacher would mark each one of them and return to the students. And usually, there are people who were not satisfied with their grades. For non-science subjects, there were even more people who would step to the front of the class and ask the teacher to consider to rise their grades. For sciences, people only ask if the teacher make some mistakes and mark their grades too low.
I remember there were this one time when he said:
“If I made mistakes in marking and lower your grade, just come, show it to me and I will give you the grade you deserve. If I made mistakes and I raise your grade, come and show it to me. I won’t reduce your grades. It will be the marks for your honesty.”
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Their names are Mr. Bambang & Mr. Heru.
And I believe I won’t be exactly who I am today if it was not because of them.
or maybe i should get a tumblr
I have this secret dream that someday people will stop rating. Stop rating our knowledge based on grades. Stop rating our capability at work based on salary. Stop rating good music based on popularity. Stop rating happiness in life based on financial level. Stop rating beauty based on weight loss.
I have a dream that someday people will just enjoy their lives and not afraid of the rates people gave. On top of that, I have a dream that people will be responsible and stay mum about what other people like.
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ohyea how i wish. this is singapore, lady.
a kid i taught today
Today I learned that I can learn from a secondary student. Sec 2 to be exact. She’s my mentee.
As usual, today I had a mentoring session. My mentee today said she wanted to learn science. Fyi, science in secondary curriculum is like combined science, it consists physics, chem, as well as bio. She asked me to teach all of them: energy & light (physics), states of matter (chem), and ecosystem (bio).
I really literally was amazed by her. I mean, she’s so curious. I was explaining about the difference of physical change and chemical change (I said physical changes are the ones which reversible) and I was just explaining about mixing which categorized as physical changes (I give an example salt+water when you can evaporate the water and get the salt back) when suddenly she asked: “Then what about jelly? After you mix the powder with water then freeze it, can you make it back to powder and water? Is it physical or chemical?”
I was stunned. I ask my friend who also have no idea, and we both came up with an answer, “I don’t know, but I think at the first place people don’t want to turn back jelly into powder.” Which is pathetically un-science 
But the next surprise from her did not take a long time after that. I was starting to explain about greenhouse effect. First I try to explain about atmosphere. I began with this: “When God created the earth, He also created atmosphere.”
I didn’t really mean anything by saying this. All I want to say is at the very beginning, the atmosphere was already there. And I was preparing to explain the use of atmosphere. Then suddenly she said, “If God created the earth, He also created human? Then why there are so many surnames and different blood types?”
(Well actually I did not see the relation between ‘God created human’ and ‘there’re so many surnames’) But anyway, I said to her, “You want me to explain that first or greenhouse effect first?” Thank God she choose to learn the greenhouse effect first.
The surname thing I can explain quite nice. Blood type thing…well I wasn’t sure if she was satisfied with my answer. But I don’t think she care about it because she just suddenly popped out questions I never thought a sec 2 student will ask.
“When you die then where will you go?”
“When you die then what will you feel?”
“What happen with the baby aborted by it’s mother?”
I constantly prayed in silence when I gave her my answers. Sadly she didn’t really care about the afterlife, but I hope someday she will.
i don’t think i’m a good leader…i’m too mean :P
Last sunday toz dateng ke ntu. Kita makan bareng trus entah kenapa hari itu kita ngomong banyak hal yang berat bener. Di salah satu intermezzo, kita ngomongin masalah leadership.
Gue cerita tentang interview exco mentoring kemaren. Dan I swear dia kaget mengetahui betapa jahatnya gue sama calon-calon yang gue interview itu. Bahkan kayaknya gue uda ditegur berkali-kali sama dia deh (including peringatan taun depan ambil hrm). Well jahat in terms of gue sering menyudutkan mereka kalo mereka membuat “kesalahan” saat daftar. My good friends uda tau sih kalimat-kalimat macam apa yang gue gunakan. Meskipun nggak kasar, tapi nusuk (khas gue banget ga sih).
Buat gue sendiri, gue so called “kejam” sama mereka purely karena gue mau orang yang bener-bener punya niat+kemampuan+komitmen untuk klub ini. Kalo mereka uda berhasil melewati segala interview gue, gue 80% yakin mereka bisa mengemban tugas dan tanggung jawab sebagai seorang exco dan layak menerima reward 7 points at the end (meskipun bisa berkurang kalo tidak memuaskan).
Dan gue juga yakin kalo gue bakal jauh lebih nice saat komite baru sudah terbentuk. Gue yakin gue bisa berkelakuan lebih baik daripada saat gue interview. Gue tau rasanya bekerja jadi exco dan gue nggak akan menekan mereka as long as mereka nggak melenceng2 amat. Asal ada effort, I will appreciate it.
I don’t think I’m a good leader, but I will try my best to fulfill the task God has given to me this year.
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At the end, I want congratulate all of you who have been selected to be a part of NTUSU-BP Mentoring Executive Committee team. Really looking forward to work with you.
I give thanks for a wonderful day.
I pray that I’ve made a good impression.
I give thanks for a(n almost) final decision.
I pray that a gift could help one to be closer to You.
I give thanks for every love You gave.
I pray that I could pass Your love and peace to people You’ve trusted me to be with.
I give thanks, for everything.
a pessimist
lt’s just…good things don’t happen to me very often.
When they do, I get scared.Elektra Natchios (Daredevil)
I’m a total melancholic, well ya 68% lah. Which means gue mempunyai hampir semua kebaikan dan keburukan orang mello. Misalnya aja gue cukup detail (gampang liat small pictures gitu), dan mikir panjang sebelum ngapa2in. Yah tapi keburukannya, melancholy person sees everything from the dark side. Alias pesimis. Banget.
Jujur ini bener2 melekat di karakter gue. Pesimis. Takut ini itu. Mungkin karena pengaruh segala rencana orang mello dimasukin ke hati. Jadi kalo nggak berjalan sesuai rencana rasanya sewot/sebel/sedih/bete/marah/gabungan dari semuanya. Dan karena itulah gue jadi suka males bikin rencana karena takut ga mulus…geblek ya. Akhirnya plegmatis gue keluar dan jadi go with the flow gitu.
Quote yang gue pasang ini somehow sering gue ucapkan dan pikirkan. Emang rasanya tiap kali hidup gue berjalan lancar, pikiran gue langsung memunculkan hal-hal aneh yang bakal terjadi kalo-kalo my life turned upside down. Kalo-kalo gue berada di bawah lagi. Hasil dari rasa takut gue yang nggak berdasar.
Tapi setelah dipikir-pikir, serius deh, bego banget sih gue. Itu kan sama aja kyk me-neglect hal-hal positif yang terjadi dan gue achieved.
Let’s see: I’m saved by His grace, I passed all my subjects, I have a roof above my head, sufficient money in my bank account, I have great friends in Indo & Singapore, I’m in a great relationship with a guy I love, I felt His presence through His blessings in my life…and yet what I’m doing is imagining bad things and freaking myself out. Seriously this attitude is destroying myself little by little.
So yeah, I know what’s wrong with me, but ‘repairing’ those things aren’t easy. Everyday I told myself to stay thankful and see the bright side of everything, but more than often, I slipped. It takes more than effort. It requires His help, and also from people around me. I’m so thankful he’s optimistic enough to keep reminding me of the blessings I’ve had.
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And yes, as I always said, stay thankful. And look at the bright side
“The habit of looking on the bright side of every event is worth more than a thousand pounds a year.”
Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784
j.k.t
Jakarta lagi. Whew *sigh*. Ketika kebanyakan anak seneng kalo pulang Indo, gue selalu campur aduk. Jadi inget waktu chatting sama toz pas dia baru nyampe. Kita emang punya masalah yang sama soal pulang Indo. Because it’s the past we don’t want to face. Maybe we don’t even want to admit it. Tapi ya mau gimana lagi. Namanya masa lalu ya emang selalu ada.
Di sisi lain, seneng juga sih pulang. Kangen temen-temen juga. Semoga bisa memanfaatkan waktu semaksimal mungkin bareng mereka deh.
Dan seperti kata hejron di blognya, emang sulit banget menjaga integritas di Indo (baru sehari disini eh udah ngantuk2 n pikiran kmana2 pas di greja 
). Dulu setiap kali pulang dan balik singapur, rasanya back to square one in terms of my relationship with God. Mulai dari awal lagi. Bergumul lagi. Semoga kali ini berbeda dan gue bisa menjaga hati dan pikiran untuk Tuhan saja.
Terlepas dari kebandelan gue di greja pas kotbah, ada satu poin yang gue tangkep dari situ. Bahwa kita mungkin cuma ujung pena, kuas kecil, ato bahkan cuma sekrup. Tapi di tangan yang tepat, itu bisa jadi buku best seller, lukisan masterpiece, ato bahkan sebuah rumah. Jadi sekecil apapun kita, kita pasti akan berguna karena kita berada di Tangan yang tepat
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Jakarta…jakarta…memang setiap kota punya ironinya sendiri-sendiri.
some things in my mind
Gue agak nggak kepikiran gimana post ini bakal ditulis (maksudnya in terms of format & flow), jadi gue bakal nulis aja dan sori kalo berantakan
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Jujur, gue bukan penggemar negeri singa ini. Tapi dua taun hidup sendiri disini bener-bener suatu anugrah buat gue, terutama dalam hidup kerohanian. Rasanya sekarang lebih gampang untuk pasrah sama kehendakNya dan bukannya melakukan apapun berdasarkan ambisi sndiri (meskipun masih sering kepleset juga mknya msti selalu ngingetin diri sndiri).
Buat gue, mengetahui kehendak Tuhan itu susah, karena kita nggak akan tahu Tuhan mau berbicara lewat siapa, lewat kejadian apa…mesti siap sedia setiap saat untuk mau mendengar dan untuk mau peka. Jadi gue bersyukur banget dalam beberapa kesempatan dalam 2 tahun ini ketika gue harus mengambil keputusan, gue bener-bener ngerasa bahwa keputusan yang gue ambil adalah kehendak Tuhan.
Yang pertama, ketika gue mengakhiri hubungan gue yang dulu.
Gue bergumul sangat lama dengan ini, karena ini menentang idealisme gue dan so called tekad gue untuk nggak akan pernah mengakhiri suatu hubungan yang udah disepakati. Buat gue (dulu), kok nggak komit banget sih. Kan uda janji. Tapi dengan berbagai cara, gue ngerasa bener-bener inilah yang terbaik, dan yang Tuhan mau juga. Selain itu kalo gue pikir lagi, lebih baik mengakhiri lebih awal daripada berlanjut sampe lebih serius, ya kan?
Kedua, ketika gue memutuskan untuk bertahan di jurusan gue.
Yah pokoknya gue cukup struggle lah dengan course gue, soalnya makin dijalani makin nggak cocok…haha. Dulu sempet memikirkan beberapa kemungkinan. Tapi ketika gue melihat balik saat gue berusaha banget untuk masuk sini, gue kayak ditegur dengan halus sama Tuhan. Kira-kira bgini: “kamu lihat betapa tidak mampunya kamu dan betapa Aku memampukan kamu. Sekarang kenapa kau meragukan rencanaKu?”
Lanjut, ketika gue memutuskan untuk menjadi ExCo NTU ISCF 09-10.
Gue nggak butuh waktu lama untuk membuat keputusan ini (meskipun mikir agak lama untuk jadi sie apa). Rasanya natural banget bilang “yep, gue mau jadi exco.” Disinilah ladang dimana Tuhan menempatkan gue, dan given kemampuan yang udah dikasih Dia, melayani disini rasanya bener-bener kayak udah jelas banget.
Ohya dan yang barusan aja, keputusan gue untuk memulai suatu hubungan lagi.
Gue berdoa untuk ini udah dari lama, bahkan berdoa supaya gue nggak ada feeling lagi buat dia. Apparently, Tuhan nggak mengabulkan doa gue yang ini, dan at first kayak nggak nunjukkin jalan juga…tetep aja ngegantung gitu. Tapi seperti yang gue pernah bilang, Dia ternyata mau gue nunggu, supaya gue belajar sabar dan belajar tetep berharap. Yah jadi, given apa yang udah gue alami dan betapa gue merasakan Tuhan bekerja, keputusan ini rasanya juga jelas. Kita berharap sih ini lancar dan bisa terus, tapi kalopun nggak, kita yakin Tuhan punya rencana.
Dan keputusan-keputusan lainnya yang lebih ‘kecil’ tapi tetep gue bersyukur banget karena bisa merasakan kehendak Tuhan dalam itu semua.
Sekarang gue juga punya pergumulan, dan masih menunggu dan mencari apa kehendakNya untuk yang ini. Kiranya gue, dan kita semua juga, tetep setia dalam setiap penantian kita, karena Tuhan itu baik adanya.
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Stay thankful. God bless you to bless others
