bleeding
by livergirl
As much as I just want to forget and never talk about it, I think I owe people some explanations (well it’s more that I don’t want to answer when people ask me directly). I don’t know how long I need to recover but as I’m writing this, I’m still bleeding and I still cried last night in my bed.
So yes, I did not go to KL this weekend and I, of course, failed to see my beloved team coming to South East Asia. I’ve lost my passport in Tuas checkpoint, Singapore. I don’t really blame anyone but myself for this, really, as most of it is my own fault, but somehow it just makes it even sadder without the anger to come and replace it once in a while.
That night I stayed until past 3 am in the checkpoint to report and ask for special pass, then go to the police to make another report. I slept barely 2 hours after a super long day of interview and moving to the new house. But at that time, I still hold some hope and I was determined to finish this stuffs (make new passport & pass) by Friday afternoon then straight away fly to KL by some tiger airways thingy. I woke up early in the morning, pass by the house to take a shower and quickly go to Indonesian Embassy to make a new passport.
Before I proceed, maybe I should tell that in the checkpoint, I met an Indonesian female who was also having some problems and being checked by the authority. She said that she once had a problem like mine and she took only a day to get a new passport (with quite a large fine) so that’s why I was sure I could catch up and still going.
But the embassy said that because I’m holding a pass, I’m considered as a residence and hence it would take 3 working days. So yes, that is final. No chance.
I felt like I was shot by an arrow in close range. Like a short, instant pain, but then I felt nothing but a bit difficulty to breathe.
I was crushed but my mind couldn’t feel a thing. After exiting the embassy, I grabbed Stevie and search for the next Harry Potter movie slot. Took a taxi and ride to Vivo City. Only then, while watching the movie (a very emotional movie by itself), I was able to let the tears drop. Every time an emotional moment in the movie came, the sadness doubled, and successfully left me soaked.
And after that, I finally able to release all the tears while facing the sea, the very same spot I used to weep more than three years ago.
And it took me a strong cup of coffee, a cheesecake, a bottle of beer, and a long dreamless sleep to put the sadness in the back of my head.
So pardon me if I make myself vanished for the rest of the week. And for not answering (maybe for a long time to come). It’s just that I’m still bleeding and I don’t know when I will be healed. And it will take just a little nudge to release my tears again.
