19-26
This past seven days has been a very tough week for me. Physically, mentally, spiritually, almost everything. That’s why I think I have to write something.
This story began in November 19th, 2009.
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Kamis. Hari ini exam 3003. Subjek paling mati dari 3 subjek legendaris EEE 2nd & 3rd year. Singkatnya, subjek ini susaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh banget. Buat gue dan (rasanya sih) sebagian besar populasi EEE NTU.
Gue mulai belajar super intensif untuk pelajaran ini dari hari Senin. Dan by Rabu malem, rasanya udah capekk banget. Capek belajar dan tetep nggak tau mau ngapain ketika disodorin soalnya. Capek memaksa diri sendiri belajar dan belajar lagi, tapi tetep nggak ngerti.
Gue sempet down malem itu. Bersyukur pacar bisa dateng. Bersyukur kalo dia juga tau rasanya menghadapi 3003.
Kamis jam 11 gue keluar dari Nanyang Audi. Lemes, nggak banyak ngomong, langsung beli junkfood dan pulang.
Those two hours in the exam hall were awful, but I’m thankful He let the rain poured down in the afternoon. Cooled the day and made me sleep comfortably.
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The next week, started at November 23rd was tougher, in every sense.
My exams were at 23rd-26th. Monday to Thursday. Senen-kamis. Tanpa jeda. Semuanya core subjects.
23 : EE3011 ~ control
24: EE4040 ~ engineers & society
25: EE3001 ~ electromagnetics
26: EE3015 ~ power systems
Gue baru mulai belajar lagi hari Jumat tanggal 20. Cuma 3 hari sebelum mulai rangkaian 4 exam. Plan gue tadinya mau belajar engsoc + 3015 hari jumat & sabtu. Hari Minggu mau dipake buat finalize yang buat hari Senen.
Tapi emang manusia cuma boleh berencana. Hari minggu siang abis pulang gereja, suddenly gue sakit. Period gitu, plus masuk angin dan malemnya diare. Ngaco banget deh. Nggak sempet ngerjain satupun pyp (past year paper). Dan berjam-jam gue cuma meringkuk kesakitan, nggak bisa ngapa2in.
Dalam doa gue malem itu, gue inget gue minta disembuhkan. Mungkin nggak malem itu, tapi gue berdoa supaya besok paginya saat exam gue bisa ngerjain tanpa kesakitan.
Well, doa gue nggak dikabulkan, apparently. Pagi-paginya gue masih sakit-sakit gitu, begitu juga saat menjelang masuk exam hall, dan saat lagi ngerjain soal. Tapi bersyukur, gue bener-bener bisa nerima itu semua.
At the end pas keluar exam hall, it was not so bad. Gue masih bisa ngerjain sebagian besar.
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Besoknya engsoc. Basically ini kayak PPKn jaman dulu deh. Ngarang all the way. I spent waktu yang tersisa buat baca rangkuman. Pas exam berhasil ngarang 11 halaman (nggak penuh sih) tapi yaudahlah.
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Besoknya lagi 3001. Disini pas gue drop lagi. Capek. Rasanya exam ga abis-abis. And I got less than 15 hours to review and practice for this subject. Otak rasanya nggak mampu diperes keluar terus diisi lagi secepet itu.
Tapi lagi-lagi I felt thankful. Kali ini nggak ada pacar, tapi andy rasanya selalu berderin setiap beberapa waktu. Ada aja sms encouragement dari temen-temen. Dari yang massal sampe yang personal. Gue bukan orang yang akan ngebales semuanya, tapi I thank you all who sent me those 
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My tears were broken, yet again, that night. I was down, but He lifted me up through my friends.
Exam ini nggak terlalu bisa sih. Tapi setelah ngelewatin 3003, rasanya selalu ada yang positif dari setiap exam. “At least yang ini better dari 3003.”
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Terakhir, hari ini, 3015. Exhaustion-nya masih kebawa-bawa sih, tapi uda bisa lebih bener belajarnya, meskipun pesimis juga. Nggak terlalu yakin dengan apa yang udah gue tulis, tapi gue rasa gue udah menulis (dan mengira-ngira) yang terbaik yang gue bisa.
Let Him decide what will I get.
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Seminggu ini bener-bener jadi ujian buat gue. Baru pernah gue 4 hari core berturut-turut. Capek, of course, tapi ya ada enaknya juga begitu semua udah kelar 
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Belajar untuk bener-bener pasrah sama Tuhan tanpa bertanya-tanya, bahkan ketika doa yang cukup critical nggak dikabulkan. Belajar untuk nerima bahwa memang kehendak Tuhan kalo gue cuma punya waktu setengah hari untuk finalize belajar subjek yang gue niat banget sem ini tapi Dia malah ngasih gue kesakitan buat mengisi waktu itu. Belajar untuk persistent. Belajar untuk self-rapid-recover after an exam breakdown.
Hopefully this is the first and last experience regarding 4-days-core-exams, but I certainly hope the lessons will continue
from goal.com ~ i love the cynicism
Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet saw fit to apologise to Ireland for the officials part in the shocking controversy:
“There are approximately 80 million Irishmen around the world. We guarantee they all feel pretty bad today. But I sincerely hope there are three Swedes that feel even worse. They are Martin Hansson and [referee's assistants] Stefan Wittberg and Fredrik Nilsson. There will be no World Cup for Ireland and I assume that Team Hansson has also forfeited its right to continue to take charge of major international matches.” Do IKEA sell spectacles? I guess not.
Und stellet euch nicht Singapur gleich, sondern verändert euch durch die Erneuerung eures Sinnes, auf daß ihr prüfen möget, welches da sei der gute, wohlgefällige und vollkommene Gotteswille.
~modifikasi (yang seharusnya) kontekstual (walopun seenaknya) dari Rm 12:2~
Iseng-iseng barusan nyasar ke blognya septian gede, dan nemu post tentang lagu “Gereja Bagai Bahtera” trus dia mention tentang judul aslinya “Ein Schiff, das sich Gemeinde nennt” dan ada linknya. Dasar emang jerman freak, ya gue terusin aja ke yutup gitu. Trus ada liriknya, dan gue tertarik di bagian ini (reff):
Bleibe bei uns Herr, bleibe bei uns Herr,
Denn sonst sind wir allein auf der Fahrt durch das Meer, O bleibe bei uns, Herr!
Di indo diterjemahkan jadi:
Tuhan tolonglah, Tuhan tolonglah.
Tanpa Dikau semua binasa kelak, oh Tuhan tolonglah.
Dan menyadari kalo conjugated verb yang dipake tuh ‘bleibe’ instead of ‘bleiben’ (PS: bleiben != tolong. Jangan di translate directly). That means kita refer ke Tuhan sebagai ‘du’ (=kamu) instead of ‘Sie’ (=Anda). Buat gue, ini menunjukkan hubungan yang dekat. Antara kita dan Dia.
Kemaren di doa pengantar firman PU Gabungan 3, bang Julius (sori kalo salah nulis) juga bilang “terimakasih kalau kami boleh memanggilmu, penguasa alam semesta, Bapa.”
It was wonderful. The feeling that I know He’s always close. That the Mighty God Himself loves me as a Father.
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two teachers
There are two teachers I admire and respect so much in my 6 years of education before uni. One of them is shorter and balder, where the other one is taller with moustache. Both of them happened to teach physics, and they taught something which is not written in the textbook: honesty.
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I remember some of his stories which at the end, he would warn us the importance of being honest. He has the sharpest eyes. I never dare to intentionally cheat in his quizzes. It was kinda shocking when I think about it, cos in primary school I even cheat with my friends during final exam -.-”.
He was also the one who always say: ‘physics is beautiful’. Imagine saying it to 12-year-old girls at their very first physics class. It was confusing, cos who on earth will say those awful formulas ‘beautiful’? He also always tried to relate everything he taught to human’s daily life. And slowly, I began to understand why is it beautiful. I had the most neat notes in the class for his subject, I guess, and it continues until now.
Those three years were the most rebel times in my life. You know puberty and all stuffs, but I managed to did well and did not get into any serious trouble. I remember one of my friends did not make it (she got expelled from the school because of cheating). And I do thankful to have someone warned me at the first place.
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He always appeared ‘happy-go-lucky’ and very relaxed. He smoked heavily.
He has this ‘policy’ which I’ll never forget.
Everybody knows that high school is hard. In my school it might not be that hard socially, but it is sure hard academically. Especially at quizzes and exams (though it much better than now). Every several weeks, there will be a quiz. The teacher would mark each one of them and return to the students. And usually, there are people who were not satisfied with their grades. For non-science subjects, there were even more people who would step to the front of the class and ask the teacher to consider to rise their grades. For sciences, people only ask if the teacher make some mistakes and mark their grades too low.
I remember there were this one time when he said:
“If I made mistakes in marking and lower your grade, just come, show it to me and I will give you the grade you deserve. If I made mistakes and I raise your grade, come and show it to me. I won’t reduce your grades. It will be the marks for your honesty.”
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Their names are Mr. Bambang & Mr. Heru.
And I believe I won’t be exactly who I am today if it was not because of them.
wandering in the rain
Somehow it occurs to me that, the most blind love of all probably is the love of a guy to his football club.
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He would stay until way past midnight to just get a glimpse of how’s the match going even though he has to wake up early for work on the next day.
He would ignore his spouse’s complaints about why they never spend time together again on weekend nights.
He would still cheer for his club even though they’ve lost a lot.
He would curse the opponent players who cause them a penalty, regardless it is fair or not.
He would blame everything other than his club if they concede.
Most probably, he will not change his number one club.
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Even though the club never know who he is.
come, and listen
Terbiasa mendengar segala musik dari Lance (speaker) atau Jason (mp3 player) membuat gue sering lupa nikmatnya menjadi pendengar tingkat pertama.
Setiap minggu bernyanyi dalam choir membuat gue juga lupa rasanya mendengar suara manusia yang bernyanyi. Hanya mendengar, tidak harus ikut ambil bagian dalam pembuatan musik itu sendiri.
Terbiasa mendengar suara mesin ac, suara berisik MRT & bus, suara lecturer mengajar, jadi sering lupa suara yang bermelodi.
I need some live, good, vocal music after exams.
I hate when I dream in my sleep. Because every dream I can remember is a bad one. The one where I met someone I really do not want to meet. The one when I barely can stand (it happens often). The one with my failures. The one with something lost. The one with my biggest fears that makes me found myself with my wet pillow in the morning.
I thought when I work my ass off doing all those revisions and studying like a freak until almost dawn will help me to have a dream-free sleep.
It didn’t.
as usual,
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I always post this seating arrangements.
Comment for this sem: how I wish that the part 4th year was right. Having a graduated (and working) bf makes me want to graduate and leave this school immediately. (Yeah I know I will miss it, but I can’t help but wish).
