sedikit berbicara tentang cinta
Dari tadi lagi dengerin random playlist.
Tiba-tiba yang diputar adalah lagu “Tong Hua” (= Fairytale).
Lagu ini sudah lamaaaaaaa banget nggak pernah ada di now playing saya. Dulu saya luar biasa suka dengan lagu ini, sampai2 hafal liriknya (bahasa Mandarin loh) dan mencari arti liriknya. Artinya bagus banget buat saya. Apalagi setelah nonton videonya…
Hmm coba tanya uncle youtube dia ada nggak ya videonya…wah ada ternyata…
Arti liriknya kira-kira berkisah tentang seorang cowok yang sayang banget sama ceweknya. Dia bilang,
“Since you say ‘I love you’, my sky is full with bright stars.”
“I want to be an angle, whose wings protect you. “
“I want to make our story happy ending”
dan kalimat-kalimat manis lainnya.
Saya sudah ratusan kali nonton videonya, dan tetep saja nangis pas nonton *dasar melankolis*. Buat saya alangkah indahnya ada cinta yang seperti itu (maksudnya cinta yg Eros ya). Endingnya sedih banget…hiks…makin pengen nangis deh…
Dulu saya percaya ada cinta yang seperti itu. Entah kenapa sekarang itu sudah agak memudar. Apakah dulu saya begitu naif? Atau…?
Terus terang, saya tidak percaya ada cinta yang abadi (sekali lagi disclaimer, ini maksudnya cinta Eros ya…jangan bandingin sama cinta Agape dari TUHAN…yang itu jelas pasti abadi, setia, dan tidak berkesudahan). Buat saya, nggak ada cinta yang bertahan sampai seumur hidup, seperti di “The Notebook”.
Bukan berarti saya anti-cowok atau gimana ya. Saya percaya ada cinta. Tapi bukan cinta sejati. Manusia terlalu selfish untuk mencintai dengan sepenuh hatinya. Jarang banget ada orang pacaran bilang “aku cinta kamu apa adanya” dan mean it sepenuh hati. Pasti ada aja lah hal-hal yang diharapkan dari pasangan. Kalau ingin dicintai dengan sepenuh hati, wah di mimpi dan fantasi aja deh…hahahaha…
Apakah saya terlalu skeptis?
menahan diri
Sering saya sulit sekali menahan diri.
Menahan diri buat apa?
Ya buat dosa.
Apa lagi yang lebih sulit ditahan?
Sebelumnya, kita balik dulu deh ke definisi dosa yang saya maksud di post ini. Atau paling nggak, contoh-contohnya. Soalnya dosa terkadang sulit didefinisikan. Ada yang jelas banget, contohnya: membunuh. Jelas semua orang juga tahu itu salah. Tapi ada saja dosa yang rada “samar”. Misalnya, ketika ada orang yang kita bener-bener nggak suka. Kita nggak terlalu menunjukkan kalau kita sebel. Tapi dalam hati dan pikiran, kita sering ngata2in orang tersebut. Itu dosa. Kalau ditulis dan dibahas sih sebagian besar orang bakal bilang itu dosa dan harus dihindari. Tapi dalam aplikasinya, kadang-kadang kita nggak sadar…iya nggak?
Nah itulah yang saya sering alami. Saya memang cukup cablak orangnya, alias ngomong apa yang dipikir di hati. Jadi menahan diri untuk ngomong juga sulit buat saya. Jadinya sering lah saya ngomong & cerita2 ke orang lain. Masalahnya, kalau saya lagi sebel sama seseorang, akhirnya saya jadi ngata2in juga. Wah dosa lagi deh.
Bener2 susah deh buat nahan dosa yang macam itu. Soalnya, as a foreign student in kinda multi-cultural university, saya banyak menemukan orang-orang asing yang bener2 “menggoda” buat dikata2in. Ya contoh aja O**** C*** atau O**** I****. Sering banget lah kita para orang Indo ngata2in mereka. Bikin joke tentang culture atau habit mereka. Atau malah terkadang sesama orang Indo yang nyebelin juga suka dikata2in. Gosip lah.
Ada beberapa orang yang tampaknya benar-benar tidak akan cocok dengan saya sampai bumi mengalami zaman es lagi. Okelah, saya berlebihan. Dan yang paling susah, saya tidak bisa menghindar! Biasanya, karena saya tahu saya susah menahan diri, ketika saya menghadapi orang-orang seperti itu simply saya menghindar.
Masalahnya, orang-orang Indo di NTU adalah suatu komunitas yang cukup dekat. Hampir semua saling kenal. Kita biasanya terbagi lagi menurut organisasi keagamaan, karena biasanya orang Indo cukup aktif. Di antara orang-orang yang tergabung di organisasi atau klub yang sama tentunya lebih dekat dan sering bertemu. Ada lagi yang sama jurusan. Itu juga sering ketemu kalau nggak bolos kuliah…haha. Ada lagi yang tinggalnya berdekatan, jadi ya sering ketemu lah ya. Satu lagi mungkin asal sekolah dan daerah.
Susahnya buat saya, ketika saya tidak suka sama MISALNYA seseorang yang Indo, sejurusan, dan se organisasi. Wah matilah bener2 itu nggak bisa menghindar. I have to face it.
Menahan diri lagi. Suatu masalah saya yang sampai sekarang masih susah dihadapi.
But then, I have to face it. I cannot run away forever like Jack Sparrow…though I wish I could… 
Kalau ditinjau dari kacamata agama, sebenarnya hal itu bisa diatasi dengan 1 cara: mengasihi seluruh sesama manusia seperti mengasihi diri sendiri. Kalau itu bisa dilakukan pasti nggak ada lah yang namanya sebel dengan orang-orang. Pasti semua dimaklumi. Ya ngomong dan nulis sih gampang. Nyatanya? Buset deh…
Yang bisa saya lakukan sekarang, hanya berdoa, minta pertolongan Roh Kudus, supaya Ia berkenan membantu saya, karena saya lemah, dan yang saya harapkan untuk saya lakukan itu luar biasa besarnya. Bagaikan 1 kucing mimpi menang lawan 1 badak *agak ekstrim seperti biasanya*.
Namun saya juga diingatkan, terutama oleh kotbah Pr. Chandra tadi pagi yang buat saya inspiratif. Tadi dia bilang, tiada sesuatu yang mustahil, karena Dialah TUHAN, yang berkuasa atas langit dan bumi. Jika Dia berkehendak, maka jadilah. Bahkan Daud yang kecil bisa menang melawan Goliat yang segede raksasa, karena Dia berkehendak.
Haduh, baru saja nulis sampai sini, tadi saya sudah mulai memaki2 orang lagi di dalam hati…parah parah…TUHAN ampuni aku…
Yah, hanya Dia yang bisa menolong dan memampukan. Semoga saya dimampukan olehNya.
Praise the LORD… 
sometimes there’re just some things that cannot get along
Ahh,, finally home already… 
I’ve just got home from Raffles. Tonight I watch a performance by Rhesa’s secondary, so he asked us to go with him. His best buddy is playing solo flute and piccolo, so he’s willing to come.
The show held in VCH. I went to see the performance with Rhesa, Monci, and Dhika (MAE, 3). For me, I want to see this because last time when NTU’s own symphonic band performing, I was too tired because of the choir concert.
I didn’t expect a very fine performance, because after all, the performers will be secondary school students. What I expect is a good music with sense of military.
The performance was good, actually. There are some songs that I really enjoy, such as “Miyazaki Animation Medley” by main band and “Sound of Music” repertoire. Their Alumni band is also great. There also the song “Tomorrow” from the movie ‘Annie’ with a singer. Nice one.
After all, their music was excellent. One thing that I was rather disappointed is their preparation seems not good enough. Maybe they need more rehearsals. Also for me, they kinda lack of discipline. It seems for me they join the band for the music, not for the military band. For me, the art of a military or marching band are good music combined with discipline, good marching maneuvering, and nice displays on the field.
But then, maybe it’s just me. That was my first experience watching a band like that in Singapore. Maybe what we think in Indonesia are so much different.
One I noted is also in some songs, it’s not a good idea to combine brass and woodwind instruments. It was kinda strange. I love woodwinds, and brass instrument will always remind me of six unforgettable years in my life, but maybe I prefer if I watch an ensemble consist only with woodwinds or brass inside.
By the way, that thought is the inspiration behind the title of this post. Sometimes, wood and metals cannot get along in a song. Although that this title is also somehow related to my current life…yeah I just feel that sometimes whatever we do, we cannot get along with somebody.
But I think I need to see more music performance and gain more experience in life before I can comment more.
being a Christian
As the time pass by me, there’s one thing I realize:
Being a Christian maybe is the most difficult thing to do
Living outside my hometown changed my perception a lot. Change my perspective of looking at the world. I learn to adapt outside my comfort zone. I learn to deal with people. And mostly, I learn to be a Christian.
When I was younger than now, being a Christian is like a ritual. Everybody are Christians (or Catholic, since we believe in the same and only God). It’s very easy to be one, because I live among them.
I went to church, I read bible in the church, I participated in church committee, I served Him as a musician (in ensemble). When I was 15, I went to “katekisasi” [dunno the translation in English ><] class. I said I believe in God truly. I am a Christian, I was sure at that time.
Later when I reach Singapore, I face ‘a simplified real world’. I met non-Christian people, I met non-Indonesian people, I met people I like, I met people whom I simply can’t get along with. I see people do things that shouldn’t be done. I see people do things which Jesus will surely not approve. I see people act nicely then do bad things behind their back.
I see that my Christian life in the past was not good enough. I see now that I was really ‘blank’. I thought I know what does it takes to be a Christian. I thought that going to church every Sunday and said to everybody that I believe in Him is enough.
But I realize it’s not.
It takes much much MUCH more than that.
It takes all my life.
All my rational view.
All my world.
To resist what the world say, and only do what God has said.
To serve Him with all my strength and my heart.
To love everybody like Jesus has loved us.
To be kind to your enemies.
To forgive.
O heavenly Father,
may You grant me wisdom
to deal with this life
to choose Your way whatever it takes.
to love You more and more every time.
to be what You want me to be
to do what You want me to do
to serve You with all You gave to me
I am blessed, really. I truly hope that I will be a better person, a better friend, and most importantly, a better Christian.
melancholy mode
See my dear I’m thinking of you
My how she has grown
her building blocks have all gone home
And being there is always where
I’ll be
You’ll see
Take your doll
House dreams and make them real
I’ve seen the sun
I’ll guide your
inspirations along
And don’t let them stop you from being someone’s friend
Don’t bend
I hope you
always keep your hand this close to mine
And I hope you
never hesitate to wonder why
Wonder why
Wonder why
If you need a shoulder mine is here
And I love you
And no one can tell you what to do
And roses and diamonds could never take
the place
of your face
I hope you
never hesitate to wonder why
wonder why
wonder why
Just wondering if there will be somebody said these words to me, and sing this song for me only.
{From Maroon 5’s “To her, with love”}
Maroon 5 LIVE IN CONCERT
Though we have not hit the ground
Doesn’t mean we’re not still falling…
Okay, here I am now in my room, kinda exhausted from the concert. But…yay! Finally I have the chance to see those guys perform live…and I tell you, they were great, especially Matt Flynn the drummer. He was very enthusiastic and full of energy. Sometimes he directly starts the beat for the next song after the previous song ended. In short, he was absolutely FANTASTIC!
And as usual, Adam Levine was very SEXY 
These are the songs they played tonight:
- Harder to breathe
- Makes me wonder
- If I never see your face again
- Can’t stop
- Nothing last forever
- Shiver
- Wake up call
- Sunday Morning
- Won’t go home without you
- This love
- Little of your time
- She will be loved
Overall, the show was good, but it can be much better.
Let me state my points:
- They only play 13 songs!
For me, 13 songs are very very not enough. Maybe because Singapore is one of the latest cities on their world tour. Maybe the members are all tired leh…Somehow I also feel that this show is just another show for them. They’re not intend to make this show memorable…or maybe it’s just me?
- The show has not yet reach it’s climax when it’s end
Yes yes that’s very true! And I’m really disappointed. The show almost reach it’s climax when they take a short break. That break lower the excitement level. After the break, I expect something really booming, but they only play 2 more songs before they end the show. Very disappointing.
- Singaporeans’ very low enthusiastic level
I don’t know what’s wrong with Singaporeans when they watch a live concert. Some of them are very calm, they just sitting on their chair. Come on people, this is Maroon 5! If that was Josh Groban’s concert, I of course won’t expect anybody to stand, dance to the beat, and sing along loudly. In Indonesia, we are absolutely enthusiastic. We stand, jump, dance, shout, scream, and sing along. We shout together “we want more!!” when the show ends, so then the performer(s) will come out and perform one or two more songs. But here in Singapore, after all the members left the stage, the crowd also leave their seats…wew…
- People who prefer to record the show to their camera than enjoy the live show
need proof? Let’s see this pic:
the pics are maybe too small for you to see them clearly, but I hope you see those tiny shiny dots…many of them. What are those? Well, you guess, those are lights from handphones and cameras which people use to record the show. Oh man, please, just enjoy the live show, would you? - Need more interactions from the band to the crowd
Adam Levine was quite calm today. I don’t know if that’s his style or whatever, but I think the interactions could be better. He could speak more, asked the crowd to sing together, and maybe the other members can talk to the crowd also.
Some other things I noted are the sound mixing was a little bit off sometimes, especially when the members did some improvisation with guitar effects. Another thing was a compliment to the lighting. It was incredible! Really helped to build the atmosphere.
However, I really enjoy this concert. Not only because of the performance, but also because I came with my friends. We are all enthusiastic. Taking photos everywhere, keep singing and shouting, and even we bet for the songs which would be played (it ends up with a tie between Rhesa and me..so nobody wins =p). I also really proud of myself that I can capture Jesse Carmichael’s photo when he came outside to videoing us, the fans…
Thank you Maroon 5!
Hope you’ll come back! *and visit Indonesia also *
PS: for more photos, check out my Flickr site here or facebook here.
music and me
Thank you for the music
the songs I’m singing
thanks for all the joy they’re bringing
who can live without it?
I ask in all honesty
what would life be?
without a song or a dance
what are we?
so I say
thank you for the music
for giving it to me
ABBA – Thank you for the music
Pengalaman musik saya dimulai ketika masih kanak-kanak. Seperti umumnya ibu-ibu kelas menengah di Jakarta, mama saya memasukkan saya ke sekolah musik. Dan seperti pada umumnya pula, ia ingin anaknya bisa memainkan piano.
Sayangnya, saya bukan pemain piano. I really hate those piano times! Passion saya lebih ke string instrument, dan saya ingin sekali waktu itu belajar memainkan biola. Seperti pada umumnya orang tua, mama saya merasa dialah yang tahu apa instrumen terbaik buat saya. Anak yang penurut dan plegmatis seharusnya mengikuti saja dan mempelajari piano lagi.
Sayangnya (lagi), saya bukan anak seperti itu. Kebencian saya pada piano makin tumbuh dan tumbuh, selama tahun tahun dimana saya dipaksa untuk mempelajarinya. Sampai sekarang, saya masih memendam rasa itu, sejujurnya. Sampai sekarang saya tidak mau menonton konser piano. Ketika piano digabung dengan instrumen lain, barulah saya bisa menikmatinya.
Saya masih menyesali keputusan mama saya ketika itu. Itu adalah tahun tahun produktif saya, yang seharusnya jika dipakai untuk menanamkan dasar musik yang baik, pasti akan bertahan lama. Saya baru berhasil melepaskan diri dari piano bertahun-tahun sesudahnya. Sekitar setahun setelah ‘menang’ dari les piano, saya belajar biola.
Biola adalah alat musik yang saya impikan. Suaranya indah, dan saya benar-benar takjub mengetahui alat sekecil itu bisa menghasilkan sekian banyak nada. Namun tampaknya, sudah terlambat untuk saya mempelajari biola. Usia saya ketika itu 13 atau 14 tahun kalau tidak salah. Usia SMP. Saya katakan sudah terlambat karena, masa-masa SMP adalah masa yang cukup berat bagi setiap anak. Lingkungan SD sangatlah santai, dan sekarang di SMP seorang anak harus berjuang menempuh masa remajanya dan belajar menjadi dewasa. Singkat kata, saya tidak punya banyak waktu untuk mempelajari alat musik yang sangat rumit seperti biola.
Perkenalan saya dengan alat musik perkusi dimulai di lingkungan Marching Band, yakni Putri Santa Ursula Marching Brass dimana saya menjadi anggota dari 2001-2007. Buat saya, perkusi sangatlah enjoyable. Meskipun range suaranya cukup terbatas (kala itu saya memainkan snare drum), saya sangat menikmatnya. Dan mungkin perkusi juga cocok dengan personality saya yang tidak terlalu halus serta ketidakmampuan saya untuk mengenali nada, sehingga saya lebih menguasai alat musik ritmis. Di seksi perkusi PSUMB, saya cukup berbakat, kalau boleh sombong . Saya bisa beradaptasi dengan cepat ketika pindah dari snare ke multi toms. Dalam dua minggu saya sudah bisa memainkan lagu yang cukup rumit dan cepat temponya. Saya juga pernah bermain bass drum ketika harus menggantikan seorang pemain dan menurut saya, I’ve done a pretty good job. Wah kayaknya sudah kebanyakan sombongnya…
Saya terpaksa mengurangi frekuensi bermain musik saya secara drastis ketika saya harus mempersiapkan diri mengikuti tes masuk NTU. Saat saat itu benar benar luar biasa hectic. Boro-boro bermain musik, bahkan waktu sekolahpun sering kami korbankan demi belajar A level. Begitu pula saat saya tiba di Singapura, saya benar-benar tidak ada waktu untuk bermain musik. Dan juga, karena saya tinggal di hall (asrama), sangatlah mengganggu jika saya berlatih di kamar. Les musik di Singapura sangat mahal, dan biasanya di tengah kota, sedangkan NTU ada di ujung barat Singapura.
Di Singapura, saya lebih menjadi penikmat musik. Sayangnya, konser-konser musik disini, meskipun bagus, tapi mahal. Satu satunya kegiatan bermusik yang saya lakukan di NTU adalah mengikuti paduan suara (choir). Saya sangat menikmatinya. Choir ini juga membuat saya berpikir untuk lebih mengeksploitasi suara saya.
Menjadi pemain ataupun sekedar penikmat, musik tetap menjadi bagian penting dari hidup saya.
Musik itu kebutuhan jiwa
Musik membuat telinga mendengarkan keindahan
Merasakan harmoni
Menikmati keajaiban yang terpancar dari getaran udara
“Ah music, a magic beyond all we do here!”
kata Albus Dumbledore, ketika Harry Potter memasuki sekolah sihirnya, Hogwarts, untuk yang pertama kali.
Musik tak mengenal batas budaya
tak mengenal batas ras
tak mengenal batas bahasa
untuk dapat dinikmati
Anda tidak perlu menjadi seorang perfect pitch
ataupun seorang konduktor profesional
ataupun seorang pianis kelas dunia
ataupun seorang komposer pemenang Grammy
ataupun seorang penyanyi dengan suara semerdu malaikat
untuk dapat menikmati musik
Musik
keajaiban yang nyata
Musik
anugerahNya yang tak ternilai harganya
Thank you for the music
first easter in singapore
Last night I went to Church St. Mary of the Angels at Bukit Batok. It is a catholic church with great architecture. I have been there several times, but yesterday was special because one of our friend, Irene, will be baptized. This was a new experience for me, because I never see a catholic baptism.
Personally, I prefer a presbyterian mass than a catholic mass. Although I really like the music in St Mary, I feel that a catholic mass is much more into ritual than the content of the bible, so sometimes I feel kinda bored when it’s time when someone sing psalms and we have to sing also.
The catholic baptism, on the other hand, was very interesting to see. Partly because in St Mary they some kind of pond inside the church. The candidates then walk into the water and a Pastor will baptize them by sinking their head to the water three times. ["I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen"]
There was a kid who seems kinda afraid of water or something, his gesture is very funny. He got out of the water very quickly, even the Pastor is also laughing. Also the whole process was kinda funny for me, with people carrying towels everywhere and someone with a mop walking around the pond because sometimes the water goes everywhere.
The Sunday morning, me and Steffanie went to our own church, a presbyterian church. We will have a mass at 6 am. The bus pick us up at 5.10am. I woke up very late, at 5.03 am (!!!) and end up cannot take a bath before going to church…haha…but trust me, it’s not so bad…
In the church we have baptism also, but in our church, we only use a little bit of water as a symbol of baptism. The mass itself is nice, I can get the feeling of Jesus’ victory upon death and our joy because of it.
They said, ‘there is always the first for everything’. My first easter in Singapore was great, and I hope I will be a better Christian in the next years. Amen.
P.S: Congratz Irene!!
for you who’s been stressed a lot lately =p
just a warning: don’t jump off your chair…these videos are really HILARIOUS!
p.s: better to watch them one by one from the first so you got the idea about the story…enjoy!
good friday
Today is Good Friday. It is said good because today we, Christians, remembering our salvation because of Jesus’ sufferings and death.
I attend a mass in presbyterian church this afternoon. Usually in my church in Jakarta, we held a ’silent’ mass, without much music and lots of silence times. Here in Singapore, the mass is not so silent as in Jakarta. There were an ensemble with violin, cello, flute, and other instruments. The children also attend the mass with their parents. Sometimes they made some noise when they bored. While the mass is held, there were so many disturbances.
I know the factors above should not effect my concentration, but to be honest, it is. I have quite a problem to concentrate and to understand the homily and the meaning of good friday itself. The atmosphere after the mass is also rather contrast with what I think we should feel in good friday. After the mass we even went to Bukit Timah and eat ice cream.
Inside my heart, I know that I should just go home and try not to do something hedonism. We should just fill this day with prayers and think a lot of how Jesus’ love has saved us all and how we’re gonna thank Him and how we’re gonna live our life according to His words, etc, etc
Yeah, I know I could do better, but I didn’t. I guess it’s also included as a sin, isn’t it?
